SEXUAL SIN SOUL TIES
1 Corinthians 6:18 "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body."
Sexual sins are against your own body and will literally destroy your mental, physical, and emotional health. Sexual sins will make a wreck out of your life. Sexual sins in the Bible are always judged with the strongest of judgments. Not one person guilty of sex sins will enter the kingdom of God unless they repent and are cleansed by the Blood of Jesus. For an individual to claim the Blood or to testify that they are Christians or believers while they are living in sexual sins is an abomination before God. The good news is the Lord has made a way of escape for you through His Son Jesus Christ.
I. Pre-Marital Sex is SIN. Sex outside of marriage (i.e. “fornication” in the King James Version, “sexual immorality” in the NIV, pick your translation) is not something God glosses over in the Bible. “Fornication,” “fornications,” and “fornicators,” are all described as sin at least 43 times in the Bible, stretching from the Old Testament all the way to the end of the New Testament in the book of Revelation, where it is mentioned 12 times in 10 different scriptures (Rev. 2:14, 20, 21; 9:21, 14:8; 17:2, 4; 18:3, 9; 19:2). This, brothers and sisters, is what we call a running theme.
Here are some examples, just so we’re all clear that God considers sex outside of marriage a sin:
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 NIV)
Paul also warns us not to trick ourselves; if we continue in pre-marital sex without asking for forgiveness and turning away from that sin, we are on our way straight to Hell:
[D]o you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:9,10 NIV)
A. We Hurt Ourselves: Sexual sins can cause a host of physical damage to our bodies, from lifetime sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), to unwanted pregnancies. Though 99.9% effective, condoms do not protect all areas where STDs can transfer. There’s no condom for your heart.” Your soul, either, for that matter. Sexual sins defile our spirit. As Christ explained in Matthew 15: 18-20:
But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person…”
Sexual immorality begins in the heart (our emotions) and defiles our spirit. The defiling occurs when we form soul ties with the person/people we sleep with outside of marriage. Paul warns us in 1 Corinthians 6:16-18 (Message Bible):
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another.
What it means to be “one flesh,” with someone is not just the physical act of sex, you also join spirits. Whatever spirits we’re carrying with us (whether they be joyful or destructive spirits) they transfer and swap with whoever we’re sleeping with. Do you suddenly have abandonment issues that you never dealt with before? Are you still thinking about someone you slept with years ago even though you don’t care anything about that person? When we allow other people to enter our spirit, we take on their baggage and they take on ours. Whether we are consciously aware of it, or not, if we do not break those soul ties, these people will be with us forever, and we will be with them.
B. We Hurt The Other Person: By acknowledging that when we sin we are separating ourselves from God, we must also acknowledge that when we have sex without marriage, we are involving another person in our sin, which means we are helping them to be separate from God, as well. And we also create soul ties within them, transferring to them whatever is haunting us, whether it be depression, anxiety, deep-seated anger, curses or whatever we may be struggling with.
Some like to say that if they are in a committed relationship and they both love each other, then it is o.k. for them to engage in sex, because it’s “safe.” But how much can you really love a person if it is more important for you to meet your own sexual desires than it is to ensure you cause no harm to the soul of your mate?
Christ said, “no greater love has any man than to lay down his life for a friend.” We are commissioned by Christ to sacrifice ourselves for the good of our neighbors, whether we are close to them, or just met them that night. In love for that person’s soul, do not harm him or her by helping to defile a soul and aid a separation between God and that person.
C. We Hurt Our Future Spouse: “Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6) This scripture lets us know that there are people God joins together — and people He doesn’t. If we choose to join ourselves with someone who is not intended for us by God, we are damaging our future spouse and jeopardizing our future marriage, if God has indeed called us to be married, one day.
We may be too distracted with other people and things that we end up delaying time with our intended person. We may find our intended person, and then cause chaos and confusion to enter into the marriage because we still have soul ties with other people that have not been broken, causing us to be unable to fully commit or give ourselves to our spouse because we don’t have 100% of ourselves to give! We’ve divied ourselves up over the years.
By having sex before marriage, we’ve also adopted bad habits that we will carry into our marriage. If our relationships weren’t Christ-centered (no matter how much you two went to church together or read the Bible together), why would you think your marriage would be? Moreover, we’ve internalized a complete misunderstanding about sex: that it’s all about us.
Sex is not about you! Paul tells us God’s intended purpose for sex in 1 Corinthians 7:4:
“The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
This means our sole concern in sex is supposed to be the pleasure of our spouse because our bodies are created for the other’s pleasure. This is yet another symbol of the Christian theme of self-sacrifice. If our number one concern during intimacy is our spouse’s pleasure and celebrating God’s perfect design, and our spouse’s number one concern is our pleasure and celebrating God’s perfect design, we, our spouse, and God will be fully satisfied! But if we haven’t been practicing sexual self-sacrifice in our relationships — by abstaining from pre-marital sex AND masturbation — why would we think to practice it in our marriage? And why would we think the concept of sacrifice would spill over into other parts of our marriage? Our physical bodies and our spirits belong to both God and our pre-ordained spouse. Neither should be robbed of us, and neither should have to compete with other people or spiritual forces for our devotion and affection. Many have formed spiritual (spouses) husbands and wife's that can also attack our real spouses in the future.
What Can We Do About It?
1. Transfer Your Desires from Sinful to Holy. We simply have to transfer an unholy desire to a holy desire. When we are overcome with desire for someone who is not our spouse or to be satisfied in a way that is unholy in our singleness, STOP having sex, STOP masturbation, and instead, pray for your future spouse that you may not have met yet. Start with seeking first the kingdom of God, and ALL other things will be given to you. Cry out to God: “Transfer this unholy desire to a desire for more of You (God). Let me yearn for you, and seek after you, and thirst for you more than I thirst for sin. Let me crave righteousness and a closeness with you more than I crave unholiness.” Isaiah 58:11 says that “the Lord will guide you and continually satisfy your desire.” He will do just what He says.
2. Break Soul Ties: If we have slept with someone outside of marriage, we have to acknowledge what God already knows about us. By confessing this sin to God, we acknowledge the impact that the person has had on our soul and the impact we have had on the person’s soul. Christ says in John 14:13: “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” Ask in the name of Jesus that He break all soul ties that you have as a result of sexual sin, and pray for those whose souls you have also defiled, that they might seek God and His perfect way and turn from sin, as well. This will require fasting and in some cases deliverance to break that soul tie.
3. Recommit to God: It is never too late to get back up again after you’ve fallen. Just like when Adam and Eve sinnedin the garden, God did not turn away from them! He went looking for them, saying “Where are you?! Why do you hide from Me?” We can’t hide from God, anyway. He sees us. He already knows what we’ve done and what we will do in the future. But He loves us so much and is waiting for us with open arms to come back to Him and obey His way — a path that is righteous, and holy, and for our own good. Christ said “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.” He says we will not only eat with Him, but He will eat with us, as well! He wants this to be a two-way street. He wants us close to Him, and He desires a relationship with us above all things. Will you desire a relationship with Him above all things, and turn away from sexual sin?
Jesus said, “if you abide in my word you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32). Recommit to God by reading His word. This is how He communicates with us, and this is how we learn what He requires of us, what He likes, what He doesn’t like, and what He won’t tolerate. This is how we can learn to please Him.
God’s rules give freedom from sin, not punishment, and bring peace to the mind, body, and soul, not harm. Chase after God. Desire Him more. Seek His will and allow Him to change your heart to reflect His. There is nobody greater than Him, and nothing worth sacrificing His perfect love for.